School: the free evaluation, the IEP, and when they keep calling

School is the one part of this where the law is on your side. The help exists, it is free, and almost none of it arrives unless you ask for it in writing.

Under three: early intervention

Every state runs an early intervention programme for children from birth to their third birthday, under Part C of IDEA, the federal special education law. The CDC's instruction to a worried parent is plain: contact your local early intervention system, and "you do not need to wait for a doctor's referral or a medical diagnosis to make this call." The evaluation is free.

Search [your state] early intervention referral and call the number. Say this, then send the same words by email so there is a date on it:

I am concerned about my child's development. I would like to request an evaluation for early intervention services.

What it looks like if the child qualifies: a written plan for the family (an IFSP), and services that usually come to your home, such as speech, occupational therapy and coaching for you. Some states charge a sliding fee for some services; the evaluation, the plan and the service coordination are free.

Do not wait for "let's see how he does by three". The programme ends on the third birthday, and the school district takes over from there. Ask, at least six months before that birthday, how the handover works.

From three: the school evaluation

From age 3 the school district must find and evaluate children who may have a disability. That duty has a name, Child Find, and it means you can ask for an evaluation at any age, with or without a diagnosis. The CDC's script for a child of 3 or older is to call any local public elementary school. Say this: I have concerns about my child's development and I would like to have my child evaluated through the school system for preschool special education services.

Put it in writing the same day. A letter or an email to the school principal or the district's director of special education is what starts the clock. The federal rule is that the evaluation "must be conducted within 60 days of receiving parental consent for the evaluation", or within the timeframe your state has set instead. The school must have your written consent before it evaluates, and the evaluation is at no cost to you.

If the district says no, it must tell you so in writing, with its reasons. That is not a courtesy; it is the rule, and the written refusal is what a Parent Center or an advocate will ask to see.

IEP or 504, in plain words

An IEP (Individualized Education Program) is "a written statement of the educational program designed to meet a child's individual needs." It comes under IDEA. To get one the child must qualify under one of IDEA's disability categories, autism among them, and need special education because of it. It carries goals, services with minutes attached, and the legal protections below.

A 504 plan comes under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, which "prohibits discrimination on the basis of disability in programs or activities that receive federal financial assistance from the U.S. Department of Education." It covers more children than IDEA does, and it provides accommodations, such as a quiet place to take a test, movement breaks, headphones, written instructions, rather than specialised teaching. A child who does not qualify for an IEP may still qualify for a 504 plan. Ask for both to be considered.

The rights that come with an IEP, in one list:

• Consent. Nothing is evaluated and no service starts without your informed written consent.
• Prior written notice. The school must tell you in writing "a reasonable time before" it proposes or refuses to change your child's identification, evaluation, placement or services. If you are told something at a meeting, ask for it in the notice.
• Records. You may see and copy your child's education records.
• An independent evaluation at public expense. The regulation says it plainly: "A parent has the right to an independent educational evaluation at public expense if the parent disagrees with an evaluation obtained by the public agency." The school pays, or it must go to a hearing to defend its own evaluation.
• Dispute routes. Mediation, a state complaint, and a due process complaint, in roughly that order of weight. Your Parent Center will tell you which fits.

UK readers: the equivalent is an Education, Health and Care plan (EHCP). A parent, a teacher, a doctor or the young person can ask the local authority for an EHC needs assessment. The authority must say within 16 weeks whether it will make a plan, and has 20 weeks from the request to issue the final plan. Details on gov.uk.

The meeting

Before it: find your state's Parent Training and Information Center. There are nearly 100 of them across the US and its territories, funded by the US Department of Education to work with families of children with disabilities from birth to 26. Call them, say what the meeting is for, and ask what to bring. They will read a draft IEP with you. Locator: parentcenterhub.org/find-your-center.

Bring: a one-page list of what you want, the evaluation, any outside reports, and a friend to take notes. You may bring anyone you like.

In it, these five sentences do most of the work:

• Please show me the data behind that. A goal, a placement or a "he's doing fine" should rest on something written down.
• Please put that in the IEP. A promise made across a table is not a service. A line in the document is.
• I don't agree, and I'd like that recorded. You can sign that you attended without signing that you agree. Ask how your state handles that.
• What support goes in for that, and who provides it? For every goal, a service, with minutes and a person.
• I'd like to take this home and read it before I sign. Nobody has to decide at the table.

Disagreement without a fight is a skill, and it is mostly tone. Say the true thing plainly, write it down afterwards, and send a short email the same day: Thank you for today. My understanding is that we agreed X and Y, and that Z is still open. Please correct me if I have that wrong. That email is your record.

When the school keeps calling

A school that calls you three times a week to come and get your child is telling you the plan is not working, and every one of those pickups is a removal from school wearing another name. Here is what to do with it.

1. Ask for the data, in writing. Please email me the date, time and what happened immediately before each incident this month.
2. Request an IEP team meeting in writing, and ask for two things by name: a functional behavioural assessment (FBA) and a behaviour intervention plan (BIP). Those are the law's own terms. When behaviour is found to be a manifestation of the disability, the team must "conduct a functional behavioral assessment" and "implement a behavioral intervention plan", or review and modify one that exists.
3. Count the days. School staff may remove a child with a disability for a code-of-conduct violation for "not more than 10 consecutive school days", and further short removals in the same year only if they do not add up to a change of placement. Informal "please come and get him" days count. Keep your own tally.
4. Know the manifestation determination. Within 10 school days of any decision to change placement for behaviour, the school, you and the IEP team must meet and answer two questions: was the conduct "caused by, or had a direct and substantial relationship to, the child's disability", and was it "the direct result of the LEA's failure to implement the IEP". If either answer is yes, the behaviour is a manifestation of the disability, and the usual result is that the child returns to the placement with a better plan.
5. Say no to some of the pickups. I can't collect {person} today. Please tell me what support is going in this afternoon, and please send me the incident report. You are not being difficult. You are asking the school to do the thing it is funded to do.

Bullying

Autistic children are bullied far more often than their classmates. The US Department of Education's 2013 letter to every school on the subject states that students with disabilities are significantly more likely than their peers to be the targets of bullying. The research it draws on puts the risk at two to three times higher. The same letter says bullying that stops a child getting the benefit of their education is the school's problem to fix under IDEA, and may also be disability harassment under Section 504.

What to write to the school, the day you learn of it: My child has been bullied at school on [dates]. I am asking that the school investigate, tell me in writing what it finds, and call an IEP meeting so the plan can address it. Please treat this as a possible case of disability-based harassment.

What to say to the child, in words for their age: This is not your fault. You did the right thing telling me. I am dealing with it, and you do not have to. Then deal with it, and tell them what you did.

Transition planning

The IEP must include transition planning "beginning not later than the first IEP to be in effect when the child turns 16, or younger if determined appropriate by the IEP Team". Some states require it earlier. It has two parts: measurable goals for after school, in "training, education, employment, and, where appropriate, independent living skills", and the services and courses needed to reach them.

Ask for it at 14, not 16. Ask that the plan name the adult agencies each goal hands off to, and ask the school to invite your state's Vocational Rehabilitation agency to the meeting. School is an entitlement and adult services are a waiting list, which is why the wait starts now. The rest is on adult life.

Homeschool and other paths

Some families homeschool, some use a private or a specialist school, some do a mix. All of these are legitimate choices made by loving parents, and for some autistic children a quiet kitchen table is simply the better classroom.

Two honest lines about what changes. First, a child placed by the parents in a private school, or homeschooled where the state treats that as private schooling, has "no individual right" to the special education services they would receive in a public school. The district may still offer some services, and states differ, so ask your district in writing what it provides to homeschooled or privately placed children. Second, the free evaluation is still yours. Child Find covers every child in the district, and knowing where a child stands is worth having whatever school you choose.

If it is just you

• The Parent Center is your second adult. Call before every meeting. They cost nothing and many are staffed by parents who have sat where you are sitting.
• Bring anyone. A friend who takes notes changes the room. You do not have to explain who they are.
• Advocates exist, free and paid. Your Parent Center may provide one or point to one. Paid educational advocates charge by the hour and the cost varies widely, so ask the fee first and ask what they have done for other families in your district.
• Email beats every phone call. Alone, you have no witness. A written record is the witness.

Verified September 2026 against the IDEA regulations on sites.ed.gov (300.301, 300.320, 300.502, 300.503, 300.530, 300.137), the US Department of Education on Section 504 and its 2013 letter on bullying, the CDC's "Learn the Signs. Act Early" concern page, parentcenterhub.org, and gov.uk on EHC plans. Sources on the sources page. Background for a caregiver, not legal advice; your Parent Center knows your state.